The Letter
by Dawl92
Summary: Sometimes it is too late. Remus/Sirius. Angst and depressing. I do not own these characters and I am not making any money off of this.


"Mr. Sirius Black?"

An officer walked up behind Sirius, his gaze fixed on a half burnt envelope. Sirius sat on the curb, a blanket wrapped around his shaking shoulders as he thought about everything but the recent news. He turned his head at the strong voice behind him, seeing the man was trying to hand him something.

"Your name is on it."

Without another word he walked away, after handing Sirius the envelope. Sirius held it in his hands for a few seconds, just staring at it with dread lacing around his heart. He had a feeling about what was in it, what he would read would probably tear his heart out.

___

* * *

_

"Deceased."

The word echoed through Sirius's head as he put the letter down.

Deceased.

The remains of Remus's body were taken away before Sirius's eyes, watching what could have been. What if he had sucked up his pride and did what Remus suggested in the letter?

"Remus..." Sirius dropped the letter, watching the strechter covered with black tarp roll into the back of a EMT. His heart felt ripped out, like it was being shoved into a blender...it hurt more than any other pain in the world. All because he was stupid,

Because Remus was really gone.

Dead.

"Remus!"

The paramedics turned around quickly, shutting the doors to the EMT as Sirius ame running towards the van.

"Whoa!" The male paramedic held up is hands, stopping Sirius from reaching the doors. "Where you going buddy?"

"Remus! He can't be dead! Please, let me check!" Sirius tried opening the doors, but was held back by the other paramedic.

"No, I'm sorry. He's dead...There's nothing we can do." He looked truely sorry as tears ran down Sirius's face, his pain visible to everyone watching.

"No! He can't be!" Sirius tried fighting off the paramedic, trying desprately to open the doors. "Let go of me!"

The officer from before came over when he noticed the chaos that had erupted. He torn Sirius away from the paramedic and let the men get back insde their truck to head off to the morge. Sirius thrashed in the mans arms, attempting to get away but failing as he felt himself getting weaker. Realization smacked him, there really was nothing he could do...Remus was gone.

He stilled a the EMT flashed its lights and started down the block, leaving Sirius nothing but a letter. He looked down at the half burnt envelope and let another fall from his eye, picking up the letter as the officer let him go.

It was all he had left.

A letter from his deceased Remus.

__

Dear Sirius,

I find myself regretting my decision to leave you.

_Everyday, I miss you more and more…but I won't come back to you. I promised myself I wouldn't dare apologize for something I knew I had to do. This break up was to make you realize how much you loved and needed me, but instead it's me who is realizing this. I never knew how much you meant to me until now. The nights I lay awake and wonder if you're thinking about me. The days I sit at the table and remember all the good times we shared together. I feel a tug on my heart and my throat get to tight. My words get jumbled, I can't look people in the eye, all because I talk about you. I don't want anyone to know how badly I miss you. I can't do that, I've convinced everyone I didn't need you. I told them that I feel out of love with you, that I could do better than you. That's probably true, I could do better than you…but truth is, I don't want too. You've made me love you without even realizing it._

_I hated you when you broke my heart the day I left you. Hated you more than I've ever hated anyone, so much it hurt to say your name. I hate myself for even falling for you. You didn't even respect me or treat me like a princess, you treated me like a friend sometimes. A friend you liked to hold, kiss, and make out with more then three times a day. I wanted to move on, I tried seeing other people…but every time I went on a date…I missed how comfortable we were together. How being with you was so easy, I was myself and wasn't afraid to speak my mind._

_I felt like I actually had a boyfriend and didn't have to impress you as much. You didn't judge me, you accepted me…or I thought you did. I want to know what you felt the day I left. Were you hurt? Did you shed any tears for me? Did you look at pictures of us and pretend we were still together? Did you ever think, what if? I did…I do._

_I pictured us getting married before, now I picture me getting married to someone else. I picture you marrying someone else and saying I love you to someone else. My heart breaks when I think about it. You with your arms around someone who isn't me. You kissing someone who isn't me…_

_This wasn't supposed to happen, you know. You were supposed to prove you loved me, you idiot. You were supposed to come to my house with flowers and a rehearsed apology. I broke up with you to prove to myself that I was wrong about you. That you did care about me, that you did want me. But, you proved me correct instead, my worst fear when I spoke those dreaded words. You simply didn't respond to me._

_I haven't heard a words from you in almost two months. I've felt so lonely and insecure since then…I've never felt so incomplete or stupid in my life. Leaving you was the biggest mistake of my life so far…I just want you back so bad…but, I told myself I wouldn't be the one making the move. I made all the moves in our relationship…now it's your turn._

_Prove me wrong._


End file.
